I think this is probably one of the hardest e-mails I have ever had to write, and its by pure coincidence that I’m sending this to you on Memorial Day. I know there are so many amazing people who are entering this contest, and I get by because I reuse things until they die. I received a lot of e-mails from really amazing people who told me I better enter or they were going to yell at me, in a loving way of course, I am sorry I waited till the last minute, I have low self worth issues. Also if I get on a roll, you poor guys are gonna have to read one of me rambling, and I can ramble, so get comfortable and hold on because I’m going to just let go and type.
I served 10 years and I had a really bad day November 14 which was my best friends birthday, trust me I have a knack for those really sad horrible life events, I often read my own story and say holy crap, I mean how much worse can it be? but I think it makes me who I am, I don’t think I would look at life as I do had I not been through it all, and I look at life so differently I know what’s important. See this is how my rambling goes its like reading ADD LOL look a chicken…
Lets see if I can stay on a topic. I have been losing strength in my right side, which I just assumed was from the nerve damage on my spine. Well, I moved which means I got a new Pain Management Doctor, he did his exam and looked at me and said “I see you’re a smoker,” yeah so..well he said that because I was a smoker the chance of my loss of strength could be from a Mini STROKE due to my smoking!! I freaked out, it hit me OMG this is dangerous, its like I knew the gun was loaded but I didn’t think it killed kind of epiphany, I was scared, really scared. I think I cried all the way home, what am I doing to myself? When I got home I went online, the problem was I knew I tried it all already, but I thought THIS TIME I’m dead serious, I googled and there it was an electronic cigarette. I sat staring at the screen, I had no other way to go, my last hope, so I went into a “Forum” never been to a forum before, so I opened the link and it’s a good thing I saw that “Live Chat” because its about the only thing I knew how to do, Talk or write but that’s obvious by now LOL I asked What this vaping thing? Where do I go? What do I get? Boom…about five people wrote GET AN EGO FROM LIBERTY FLIGHTS and don’t forget to hit the 20% off banner. That’s what I did.
I got my kit a day before my MRA brain scan, still scared sh!tless, thinking I was going to die like my partner and soul mate yeah it’s a sad heart breaking story typical. I was smoking an analog as I opened it, my last chance in my hand. That was the last analog I smoked 5 months and 2 weeks ago, I did it I quit. Its not just quitting, its something so much more, I had control over something so powerful. All those failures, trying to quit and realizing that this cigarette is stronger than me, and I was unable even in the face of death to quit, it controlled me. Quitting gave me power again, I was back in control and it started a domino effect. I had control over my life again, not another failure. I was smoking an analog when I opened it, I know I said it before but even the thought I might have suffered a STROKE I couldn’t stop. This freaky, simple looking thing worked! Oh it wasn’t a stroke that causing the strength from my right side to go screwy, trust me I was never so strangely relieved, but I knew one thing and that was I was no longer going to ever have that fear again, because I stopped smoking immediately when I got my ego, talk about weird feeling.
Hey, I warned you guys, I get on a roll and blaaah rambling..I went back to that chat room, and from there I learned about how to navigate the ECF forum, and it was the first forum I had ever been in, so I read and watched and I started to notice something about the people there, they genuinely cared and wanted to help, I was set back, I’ll get to that, its just how I write I bounce. I noticed the way people wrote, how they felt and the things they did for each other Sure you bump into those honest, caring, honorable people once in a while, but this wasn’t like that, there were a lot of them and I made some connections with people that I will hold very close to me This was something I never imagined possible because I had given up. I can be hurt and my scars run pretty deep, I think we all have things that tear us to our very core, I reached my ENOUGH! I decided that if I didn’t let anyone in than no one could hurt me, so I shut down, moved to no where. I felt safe, secure and alone. I walked away from everything and everyone, people I knew for decades, people I thought were my dear friends, just stood by as my world began to crumble, did nothing, I could never do that, even to a stranger, everything I thought I knew was gone, I figured I was just wired differently, I didn’t fit in, and so I went away. I just can’t take anymore and the further inside I went the farther away from people I went.
I don’t know how it happened or even when it happened but it just did. I see a crowd of people and my heart starts to race, heck I even sweat, I feel like I can’t catch my breath. When I first came in the chat room, I was like OMG people everywhere. Then I realize hey, It’s ok I’m safe just a name, and some of my friends were there I can do this right, I’m just a fly on the wall, a window licker. I watched safe in my zone . The more I watched, the more I saw how much THESE strangers cared for people, heck forget that just names, people walked in and the next thing I see is bunches of people genuinely wanting to help, they didn’t even know these strangers, and they were helping, all they cared about was “please vape” I mean hands on here, let us help you? I’m thinking twilight zone, is this for real? Why are these people really doing this? For no personal gain, more like personal loss. I love ECF they are amazing, there is a thread called PIF. Pay It Forward its dedicated to keep those who are financially challenged to keep on vaping, people who donate equipment and juice to those who just can’t afford. Even as I write this and attempt to share how it feels, I get that tight feeling in my chest its like people doing these amazing things for strangers, that other only talk about, and it’s not that “ohh I’m doing a good deed look at me,” its real! Honestly real. Me being the sceptic and looking for the nasty dark side I did a bit of my own “danger will Robinson danger” but it never happened and I started to crack, as If I wasn’t already cracked.
I’m tired, so tired of shielding myself all I kept thinking about is this real? Then, I just, let my guard go when I had both my batteries fail on me I was in a panic I didn’t know what to do, I went into chat I was hoping there was something I could do to get my batteries to work I was almost in tears, then out of no where I received PM asking for my address, normally I would never give out my address, but my mailbox is miles away from my physical address and I was panicked. What happened next changed my life forever, I was able with a trick someone in chat taught me, I was able to get at least get an hour of use between charges. Two days later, I opened my mailbox and out came 3 packages, when I got home and opened them, as I said earlier my life changed forever, I opened the first one and out came an ego battery and juice, the other two contained the same, I had tears flowing down my cheeks, how was it possible that these people who were complete strangers to me would send me these things? What I received was far more than batteries and juice, and far more precious. I never expected to have my life change in the way it has, the more I got to know people in the vaping community the more I started to heal, I wasn’t panicked anymore I laughed and it just started happening, like before but in reverse. I know this wasn’t what I was supposed to write, you probably saw how much was on this e-mail and thought oh crap……I call them e-novels.
I know this contest is for someone who without this opportunity could in no way afford to keep vaping, trust me I fit the bill. I said earlier “chapter 1″ I already won, I think by now you understand what I meant. This contest is amazing, and very generous. I am blessed to know so many wonderful people that help me, but it hurts I have a very hard time accepting things from others, this would give me the opportunity to stand on my own two vaping feet. I’m currently fighting for my Military benefits, I am on a tight fixed income, currently I receive SSDI. I often times go hungry at the end of the month, so its very difficult for me to afford the things needed to vape, I thankfully have learned how to get as much use out of the gear I do have. I can’t say “thank you” enough for this opportunity along with the amazing generosity of everyone in this community. I didn’t think in today’s society, where people judge you on your worth to them, what can you give me world were in, that anything like this, these people, this entire community still exist and are strong…Thank you, for the first time I think “yeah this was worth it”
-Anonymous